As anyone who has been pregnant can tell you, creating a little human is no joke! From the moment you find out to the moment you finally meet your little love there is sickness, pains, hormones that have the potential to make you unrecognizable (think Jekyll and Hyde), worry, fear of the unknown, swelling, the waiting oh the waiting, and did I mention sickness and pains! Then with all of this comes an overwhelming sense of love for your baby and a respect for yourself because you just accomplished something so miraculous and special.
This being my second pregnancy, I wasn’t sure what to expect. This time around was much harder for me than my first. I attribute four things to this:
- Age: I am 4 years older this time around and let’s face it, sometimes just walking and talking gets harder with age!
- Dermatomyositis: Even though I started this pregnancy in remission from my DM, my body went through a lot in the years between the two pregnancies. Muscle loss, fatigue, medication side effects, etc and I would be crazy not to see the relevance between the two.
- EVERY pregnancy and baby are different. There is no denying that every pregnancy and child are their own.
- I’m already a parent: There is no real time for down time and rest when you have a little one to care for. The first pregnancy has more down time. The second pregnancy is for snack getting, bottom wiping, boo boo kissing, “are you even listening to me” asking, snuggling mama and first child time. Obviously these mama duties are a privilege that I am lucky to have and we all survived the lack of rest!
I had constant worry with both pregnancies. The first pregnancy was the fear of Down syndrome and embarrassingly enough “was my baby going to be cute”. Yes, it sounds pathetic saying it out loud now but back then it was a concern to me as I was afraid that I may not think he would be cute. Good grief!
This second pregnancy had much more medical versus superficial worries. In the beginning I was worried up until the first big scan on whether or not he had cleft palate. The reason being is that a side effect of taking Methotrexate and not having it fully out of your system can cause cleft palate for your unborn child. Granted, I had been cleared by three doctors but things happen and a mama’s mind wanders. I also feared that perhaps my child would be born too early as this was brought to my attention by other DM moms. Another fear this time around was fear of a flare up postpartum and what the future will hold for me health wise. This is still to be determined but I will do my best to live a life to the fullest and healthiest not only for myself but for my family.
I prayed, and still do, for both my babies health and safety daily. I will say that if either of my children did happen to be born with any special qualities we would just roll with the punches and take it from there as many people do. I will be forever grateful to have carried both of my babies full term and to have had healthy, happy babies.
Being the mother to my children and the wife to my husband is truly life’s greatest gift to me. I will try to cherish each and every day and never forget how far I have come to be able to have this life.